Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
