i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize