Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
