Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
