theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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