I want to make a zoo with you.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
