I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize