No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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