woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
home. puking in laundry basket.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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