dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
