i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Dicks are not precious.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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