you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
