I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize