apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
