My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
