dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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