I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
