I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
