Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
