the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
