and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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