Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
