They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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