I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
someone owes me an orgasm
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
