TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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