Just cropdusted the office
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
