Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
