We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
