How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
