You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Vodka?
Forever.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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