First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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