You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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