I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize