I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
