hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
