You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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