The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
