I wish life had little blips of pornography
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
