I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
