I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
