I can't breathe out the right side of my face
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
