bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
