The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
