Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize