dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize