Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
