Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just want nice things and good sex
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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