I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
