Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
