Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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