only you would photoshop your dick
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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