Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
