guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
