May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
