he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
