Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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