I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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