The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
