I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
