You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
