90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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