I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
