he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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