FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
