The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
