it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just found puke in my bra..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
