She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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