Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize