I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
