either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think your dad took our porno
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
