i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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