Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
