Walk of Shame. In a state park.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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