Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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