...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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