This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
