You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize