also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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