Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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