Having a random hookup so left but love u
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
