i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
