the new term for farting is butt boxing.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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