i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize