judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I love you. Go after that dick
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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