My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
