So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
