can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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