i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
