I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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