At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
