her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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