What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
