me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize