At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
