the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
