The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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